Nice Guys Finish Last
by BeyondBirthday'sBestie
Summary: Mello tells Renji how it is, giving him life lessons and advice on women. But while Renji ever realize that Mello has no clue what he's talking about? I highly doubt it. MelloxOCxRenji.


**A/N: Because it made too much sense to pass up. LOVE ME. (Please excuse my random commentary in the story...I suck.) And I know that only Hono is going to read this, so it honestly doesn't matter. :) (this is poorly written [at least, by my standards] so please don't mind it.)**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Cobra Starship. Or Mello. Or Renji, because he's GROSS. But I do own Honoka. **

**Summary: Mello tells Renji how it is, giving him life lessons and advice on women. But while Renji ever realize that Mello has no clue what he's talking about? I highly doubt it. MelloxOCxRenji.**

**_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________**

Mello found it particulary ironic that he was stuck in an elevator, sitting directly next to man who was in love with his girlfriend, and who was rather creepy to top it all off. The blonde also found it ironic that Renji was even _speaking _to him. Mello would have rather enjoyed an utterly thick silence between the two, if possible. Of course, Renji had to go and open his big, fat mouth...

"Of course. This is _te-riffic. _Absolutely wonderful..." The Shinigami muttered, throwing some choice curses into the air along with it. Mello looked up from his spot on the floor, his glare lazy and half-hearted. He honestly didn't feel like listening to Eyebrows complain the entire time they waited for someone to come and help them from the deathtrap of an elevator.

"Oh, and you think I enjoy this? As if," Renji peered down at the blonde, towering over the teen. He looked as if he had only _just _noticed Mello was residing on the floor beneath him.

"Who asked you?" He spat, crossing his arms. Mello laughed coldly, getting ready for a comeback that would _seriously _damage Renji's ego, until a violent shake of the elevator caught him off guard. He tried to face the impact, clutching the cold tiles. Renji went straight for the hilt of his sword, a white-knuckle grip. The shaking had stopped, and both men sighed into the tense air.

"I still don't see why she would have chose **you **over **me**," The redhead turned his head, speaking to the metal walls.

"WHAT?!" Mello almost choked on the air surrounding them, "How...why...we're STUCK. In and ELEVATOR. And your asking ME why Honoka chose ME over YOU?!?" Mello screeched, standing up and looking rather flustered. Renji turned on his heel to face the much-shorter teen.

"Yes, I am. Why would any woman choose an inexperienced orphan kid over an experienced, handsome, well-built man like me?" Of course Renji did think very highly of himself, just because he had a sword and was a Lieutenant of the 6th division. (Although he wasn't very good at his job...) Mello laughed rather loudly in the small elevator.

"What? Um, you were an orphan too, buddy. And I'm actually quite a bit smarter than you are. And honestly...all a girl ever really wants is a bad boy," Mello made sure to say the phrase 'bad boy' with emphisis. (Leather pants and jackets do NOT qualify you as a 'bad boy', son...)

_Said listen kid you better hear my advice  
Treat em like dirt  
They'll stick forever to the bottom of your shoe ooooh _

Renji blinked once, then twice at Miheal. He raised an eyebrow (a crazy, spazzy eyebrow) and folded his arms acrost his chest with a smirk on his face.  
"Oh, really? And how do 'bad boys' act around the ladies?" (Never...ever say that ever again, please...) Mello grinned proudly, apparently not realizing there was sarcasm drenched on Renji's words.  
"Well, you've got to be very vague. And you've got to treat them like dirt. They come crawling back everytime..." Mello recalled the only time he had ever treated Honoka like dirt and, well...she slapped him. HARD. Mello placed a hand on his face subconciously, remembering the firery feeling in his skin. Renji snorted back a laugh.  
"Ah, I see. So, womem don't enjoy being taken out to dinner and treated like a princess anymore, huh? Being dead for so long takes you out of touch with reality, I guess," Abarai mumbled to himself, obviously not buying Mello's story. But of course, who would?

_I said Mr. Man that aint nice  
You gotta treat a girl right  
Take her out wine and dine her  
Always be polite  
_  
"Remember, you ARE talking to the guy who got the girl, aren't you?" Mello grinned at his own achievement. The redhead sneered, watching Mello take his place back on the floor. Renji say down as well, his arms still folded acrost his chest.  
"Okay. You've got me," He kept his head down, "I suck at woe-ing women..." Mello sat triumphant. His entire face was full with pure joy.  
"So...maybe you could...give me some actual tips...?" The words burnt his lips, but Renji just had to figure it out. How did someone like MELLO get a girl like HONOKA? Miheal nodded, tapping his chin. He eyed the Shinigami, squinting as if he actually cared. He made a few mental notes before coming to this conclusion:

"You're a goody-two-shoes."

_Kid, no good does do you  
But soon youll see she dont want no goody two shoes _

Renji nearly spluttered. His entire face was disoriented. His left eyebrow twitched and he felt the need to throw things at the blonde.  
"What?" he said through clentched teeth. Miheal shrugged, hands in his pockets.  
"You're a goody two shoes. So what? It's pretty easy to overcome..." Miheal fiddled with the lining of his pockets, as if this was the most boring thing in the world. Renji thought about it for a moment or two, finally accepting the fact.  
"So...what can I do about it?" Renji said, feeling as if he was talking about a disease.  
"Ah, yes. The ultimate question. Well, let's see...you have an established 'style'," Mello felt the need to use air quotes on that one, "You seem to be pretty graceful when it comes to women. But," Mello trailed off, looking up. Renji was on his knees, swelled up with anxiety.  
"But...BUT?!"  
"Well...you just...try too hard. You try so hard to be smooth and slick. All she's going to do is leave, thinking your an idiot. You're a nice guy and all but...,"

_You got style, you got grace!  
But you just try so hard she just laughs in your face  
You're a nice guy with the wrong attitude  
She wants a bad boy (Bad boys, bad boys, all we want is bad boys!)_

Renji kept his eyes on the floor. Did he really come off as such a moron? He sighed loudly, glaring up at Mello with a sudden envy.  
"So...If I was more...'bad boy'-ish...then, maybe, Hono would---?"  
"Not on your life...or, whatever you call your exsistance..." Mello snapped, crossing his own arms over his chest. A violent shake went through the elevator, a the metal doors flung open with ease. Both looked over their shoulders, Honoka standing at the entrance, tapping her foot on the tiles.  
"Geez, Mel, think you could have been a little _more _late?" She teased, watching the blonde clamber out of the metal death trap. He hugged her tightly, inhaling her scent.  
"I don't like being locked in an elevator without you to hold..." He mumbled childishly, not even caring that Renji was standing there, watching. Honoka's eyes seemed to give off a certain vibe, one that reassured Renji that she never meant to hurt him. Renji made a small grunt of disapproval before catching the hilt of his sword and walking out. As he made his way down the hallway, he continued to listen to the conversation between Mello and Honoka. It didn't take too long to realize that everything Mello had said was a load of bull. Renji couldn't help but smile, tossing his head over his shoulder to watch the girl he loved disappear. He knew none of it made sense, but he secretly thanked them both, continuing back to the Soul Society.

_Boy you're just a goody-two...goody two-shoes.  
Boy you're just a goody two...goody two shoes._


End file.
